One of the most challenging things in life is having an invisible wall or barrier between ourselves and a loved one.

Love and Courage

“Love and Courage,” Bobby Jacobs, fossilized bluestone, 78” x 60” x 48”

Time flies by, and words left unsaid can do as much damage as words spoken in anger. I learned a wonderful tool for dissolving these barriers from Dr. John Demartini, one of the world’s leading authorities on human behavior and personal development. I adapted it for my own use, and it’s so simple, yet so powerful, that I am compelled to share it here.

It’s called a Love Letter. In today’s world, it can be a Love email, or a simple thank-you note. I like sending letters through the mail because it’s so rare these days, but emails can work just as well. The key to effectiveness is using specific examples from your life with the recipient, and making the letter about the other person – not you, and not the issues between you.

Here’s how to start:

  1. Think of someone with whom you are challenged – a daughter, son, partner, sibling, parent friend.
  2. Come up with a simple intro: Dear _______, there are many things that I want to share that are easier if I write them down. Or, Dear ________, I didn’t want more time to pass without letting you know that __________.
  3. Hand-write on paper or type into an email at least three things that you love or admire about this person (there must be something or you wouldn’t be challenged:). Ex: I love you because you are so ____________. I admire your ____________. When _______happened, I was amazed at how you were able to __________.
  4. Thank this person for very specific reasons: for supporting you when you were down, for being a wonderful friend, especially when ________, for being such a wonderful sibling, daughter, partner, _________, especially when ______________.
  5. Share a funny story or meaningful moment: I will never forget that time we _____________, or how you __________when I _______________. If you are writing to one of your children, you might share a special childhood memory.
  6. Optional: Apologize for the challenges between you – in general, or specifically.
    Ex: I am sorry for the issues between us, and for any way I may have hurt you. I love you very much.

Love letters are also a quick way to get rid of the blues, making them even more powerful tool. When you sit down and write descriptive thank you notes or love letters to even one person you care about, you will be amazed at the barriers that dissolve, the positive energy you generate, and the love that comes back. So, the next time you find yourself dwelling on the challenges you have with someone, use that time to let them know how much you care. As John Lennon said, “Love is all you need.”

Yours in Loving Communication,

Elizabeth Bryan-Jacobs


To learn more about John Demartini, visit